


You Mean the World to Me

by serendipitouspeach



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN, Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I promise they're gonna be fine, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena that means you sweetie, they just need to actually talk to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitouspeach/pseuds/serendipitouspeach
Summary: No. Lena wouldn’t do that, there’s no way she’d lie and work with Malefic and Eve and Rao knows who else behind Kara's back like that. No. There’s no way.orA post-5x04 angsty confrontation.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 3
Kudos: 277





	You Mean the World to Me

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this almost three months ago the night 5x04 aired. I sent it to A_Pseudonym in October but didn't post it anywhere and it just sat in my docs until this weekend. I went back and did some edits and my lovely friend reread it and here we are.
> 
> Enjoy the angst, I know you love it.

Kara hesitated as she reached up to knock on Lena’s apartment door, her fist hovering just in front of the panelling. She held it there for a moment before dropping her arms to the side and wringing her hands together. 

She took a step back from the door and shook her head, drawing her gaze around the hallway to look at anything _but_ Lena’s door. 

_No. Lena wouldn’t do that, there’s no way she’d lie and work with Malefic and Eve and Rao knows who else behind my back like that. No. There’s no way._

Kara paced up and down the hallway, trying to calm her fidgeting hands and racing mind.

_No, that’s enough. You can do this. You have to do this._ She whispered to herself, finally stopping in place.

Kara closed her eyes, and let out a breath to center herself before taking a few brisk steps forward and knocking firmly on Lena’s door. It wasn’t loud enough to startle her, considering the hour, but certainly loud enough to announce her presence.

A beat passed that felt like forever before the lock clicked and the door opened slowly, revealing a tired-looking Lena Luthor.

“Kara?” Lena’s eyebrows drew together and she saw a flash of concern on her face before it settled into confusion. “What are you doing here? It’s almost midnight.”

Kara was fixated on pulling at a thread on the hem of her jacket. She pursed her lips adjusted her glasses, lifting her gaze to meet Lena’s. 

“Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

Lena’s confusion flickered back to concern for longer this time, but again it didn’t last. She stepped back to allow Kara inside before closing the door behind both of them.

Kara stood stiffly in the entrance to the apartment while Lena made her way to the kitchen island, returning to the wine glass and bottle she’d gotten out just moments before Kara knocked on her door. 

“It’s late, Kara.” Lena said, with a coolness behind her words that hadn’t been there a minute ago. “You should really-,” 

“Were you really working with Malefic and Eve behind my back?” Kara couldn’t keep the waver out of her voice as she interrupted the CEO. 

Lena looked up, surprised at Kara’s forwardness. She set the bottle down on the counter and braced her hands against the cool surface. 

Kara had moved further into the apartment now and was standing a few steps away from the bar stools that lined the island.

“Kara,-”

“I need to know.” The shaking was more evident in the blonde’s voice now. 

Lena set her jaw and closed her eyes. _Little boxes,_ she reminded herself _, little boxes._

“Yes.”

Lena heard the breath leave Kara’s lungs and she looked up to see the blonde standing there with her arms crossed now, staring at the ceiling.

She straightened her posture and went back to pouring her glass of wine. Kara stayed silent for a moment, and Lena could feel her eyes on her, following her every move. 

Once her glass was filled, Lena braced herself and looked up, finally meeting Kara’s gaze. 

“How could you keep this from me?” Kara’s voice was low and quiet as she tried to keep her chin from trembling. Lena felt a pull in her chest, her heart aching for the woman in front of her. _No, she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t go there._

Lena swallowed thickly and locked eyes with Kara, her gaze steely.

“It’s quite simple, Kara. You kept your own secrets so I did the same.” She cocked an eyebrow as she lifted the wine glass to her lips. “Now you know what it feels like to be betrayed.”

Lena’s voice cut through the tension between them and Kara suddenly felt like her lungs were burning from the inside out. 

She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to take in a breath, but she couldn’t seem to get any air into her lungs. The panic rose in her chest as her eyes started to burn with tears that she knew she couldn’t hold back. Kara quickly turned away from the woman in front of her, not wanting Lena to see her like this— so weak, so...human.

Kara’s quickly made her way across the living room toward the balcony door. She stood there for a moment trying to gain her composure. Her arms were wrapped around her middle to try and contain the feeling of her body cracking in two.

She could feel a sob rising in her throat as she reached a trembling hand out to slide the balcony door open, stepping out into the cool night air. The door slid shut behind her and, alone on the balcony, she finally allowed herself to break.  
  


* * *

  
Kara leaned against the balcony railing as her shoulders shook with sobs that she tried so hard to keep quiet. Logically, she knew that Lena could see and hear her. But she held onto the single shred of dignity and composure she had left with a vice-like grip.

With each sob her chest constricted and there was a burning in her lungs that was indescribable; it was like every ounce of pain she’d experienced and witnessed was coming back all at once. Overtaking her body to show her just how much she had hurt those who meant the most to her.

Lena stood frozen in her spot behind the counter as she watched the woman who held such an important piece of her heart break down on her balcony. Lena knew her words were sharp; she’d had them planned for months, laced with barbs she knew would hurt Kara in the exact way Kara had hurt her.

And even though that was what she’d wanted for months, to inflict pain on Supergirl- on _Kara-_ just as she had done to her, Lena felt empty. There was a deep ache in her chest for the broken woman standing on her balcony. The hurt Kara had caused her wasn’t entirely gone, but the satisfaction she’d expected? The relief she’d anticipated after wounding her friend? It wasn’t there. 

Lena felt hollow; the cavern in her chest only growing as she heard Kara’s sobs, observed the woman trying, with everything she had, to hold herself together. Lena swallowed back the lump in her throat and carried her still-full wine glass to the sink, placing the bottle on the counter beside it.

She smoothed her dress and slowly made her way toward the balcony door, pausing in front of the couch. She looked at the woman standing outside; bathed in moonlight and shaking, broken like Lena had never seen her before. Lena reached down and picked up the soft, knitted blanket that Kara had gifted her last Christmas, claiming that she needed at least one cozy piece of decor in her stark, cold apartment. 

She carried the blanket with her as she stepped out onto the balcony, clutching the material in her hands.

“Kara?” Lena asked quietly.

The blonde flinched, as if startled by Lena’s presence, despite her heightened sense of hearing. She sniffed loudly and swiped under her eyes with one hand, the other still wrapped around her middle. 

Lena noticed the woman was still trembling, “Kara, you’re shaking, please come inside.” 

Kara turned slightly and when Lena finally looked at the woman standing in front of her, she could’ve sworn her heart stopped beating. Kara looked _broken_ ; her eyes were puffy and red and her chin was trembling as she tried to keep her tears at bay. The girl of steel who had to be strong for everyone, was cracked beyond belief there on her balcony. And Lena didn’t feel one ounce of satisfaction from it.

She blinked away the tears gathering in her own eyes as she stepped forward and gently draped the blanket over Kara’s shoulders. She lifted her hand to reach out to the woman in front of her; wanting to take Kara’s arm and lead her inside and hug her until everything was okay again. But she knew it wasn’t her place to enter the woman’s space uninvited and she knew that none of this could be magically fixed in an instant.

So she drew her arm back to the side and tried again, her voice pleading, “Please, Kara?”

Kara blinked heavily and nodded firmly, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders before stepping back inside the apartment.   
  


* * *

  
Lena had settled onto the opposite end of the couch from Kara, intent on giving the woman as much space as possible. Kara was still wrapped up in the blanket, curled into the corner of the couch with her legs tucked under her. Her gaze had been focused on her hands for the past few minutes as they sat in an uncomfortable silence. 

“Kara, I-,” Lena’s voice sliced through the quiet in the room.

“Don’t.” Kara interrupted, eyes still focused on her hands, “Don’t apologize. I deserved it.”

Kara’s voice was small and timid and the opposite of everything that Lena had ever known her friend to be. 

Lena was at a loss for words; her intentions had been to hurt this woman but she realized that she’d wounded her far more than she had ever intended.

“I’ve spent my entire life here on Earth trying to _prove_ that I am good. Trying to prove that I am able to do good, to _help_ people. Trying to prove that I’m not a failure.”

“Kara,” Lena breathed, “You’re not a failure.” She shifted forward on the couch, searching for Kara’s gaze to confirm that shrinking the distance between the two of them was okay.

“My parents sent me here when I was thirteen to protect my cousin. That was their dying wish.” Kara’s voice was quiet. “They gave me my first mission and I couldn’t even complete it. Clark was already grown up by the time I got here. He didn’t want me, he-” Kara’s voice broke, and she swallowed, trying to contain her tears, “He didn’t need me.”

Lena moved forward again, the ache in her chest deepening.

“I’ll never be able to give back to the Danvers all that they gave to me. I took so _much_ from them, so much from Alex. I’ve spent years trying to make up for the time I stole from her- the time she could’ve been using to find herself, to be happy. Rao, I-” Kara squeezed her eyes shut and lifted her face toward the ceiling. 

“Every single day I fight to keep people safe, to show people that I can protect them, that I can protect this city. And yet, it seems like every time I try to help and protect and be good, I just end up hurting the people I love even more.” Kara reached up to pull the frames from her face, brushing away the tears that had escaped against her will.

Lena was struck by the dichotomy of the woman in front of her. With her hair down and glasses gone from her face, dressed in a soft sweater and jeans, she was both National City’s hero and her best friend all at once.

“And in the end, maybe-,” Kara’s voice broke again as she gripped the blanket with a fierce strength that Lena could finally see the depth behind. “Maybe I really am the monster so many people see me as.”

“ _No_.” Lena’s firm voice cut through the thick quiet of the room. She reached forward and took Kara’s had in hers. Their eyes instantly met and Kara relaxed her hands so as not to crush Lena’s fingers. 

“You are _not_ a monster. You are good and strong and you’ve faced more hurt, lived a harder life than most people will ever know.” Kara’s eyes began to fill with tears again.

“I hurt you.” Lena’s voice was quiet.

Kara closed her eyes, “Lena, I deserved-,”

“ _No_.” Lena squeezed Kara’s hands and she opened her eyes, meeting Lena’s. Her green eyes were soft, searching for something within Kara’s, but Kara didn’t quite know what it was.

“I hurt you, intentionally, because you hurt me. I wanted to make you feel the pain that I felt because I thought that it would finally make me feel whole again. I wanted to inflict that hurt and sorrow and betrayal that I felt onto you, and I was wrong.”

Kara slipped one of her hands out of Lena’s grip and brought it up to her face, softly brushing a tear from Lena’s cheek. Lena leaned into her hand and continued, her voice quiet. 

“I hurt you and you hurt me, we can’t change that. And I know it will take a lot of time and a lot of work to move forward, but I’d really like to try because you mean the world to me, Kara, and I- I can’t lose you. Not again.”

Kara nodded, keeping her eyes locked with Lena’s, “I’d like that too.” 

Lena let out a sigh of relief, mixed with tears as she surged forward and wrapped Kara in her arms, burying her face in the blonde’s neck. “I can’t lose you, Kara.” Lena’s voice was hoarse and thick with tears. 

Kara rested her chin on Lena’s shoulder, tightening her hold on the smaller woman. “I’m right here, Lena. I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
